The last 6 or 7 weeks have not been without their challenges.
The fog of Dementia has been a constant companion bringing with it challenges old and new.
Dementia is a cruel disease, apart from the physical damage to my brain, the gradual unpicking of me the person, slowly overtime, can release anger, anger at what is happening to me, anger at what my beloved family face in the future.
But Dementia has shown me a positive side to humanity, new friends many of whom, were like a beacon lighting my way out of the darkness of my diagnosis, through their videos, blogs and showing what can be achieved.
The last few days have seen me turn off social media after harmfull comments directed at people still able to live within the reducing limits of their diagnosis and to question many things and search for some inner peace and some clarity.
Having always planned for the what ifs in the future, spending time sat in silence while my wife was at work, gave time to reflect, draw a line on the past and to reflect on an uncertain future.
The loss of my Grandparents and Parents had a profound effect and sense of loss as did my diagnosis, each one bringing a period of mourning and questioning.
While in Brussels in December I visited the Cathedral there and lit candles for them, sat there in the relative silence, memories of attending mass in my younger days returned but also the realisation that the return to the smells and bells of Catholicism, after a couple of decades, would not bring inner peace.
The day before travelling to Brussels, I had stayed at the Royal Foundation of St Katherine in London, we had spent the evening in quiet reflection, for a while listening to a Piano and Organ recital, finding some inner peace, a beautiful moment in a hectic week.
To reduce the future to tomorrow, which is in itself an uncertain beast but one that can be planned with some certainty, is a plan for now.
The search for some inner peace will continue, I may never be at peace with the future, but finding peace in the here and now may bring some comfort moving forward.
Peter Berry’s 83rd Weekly YouTube Video
Stephen Tamblin’s 38th Weekly Facebook Video
You can also catch Stephen’s 7th YouTube video
BBC Video How to talk about disability without being awkward.
“We need to talk, to let out how we feel, what we fear, and what we enjoy.
There is no reason for you to be afraid of us or catching our disease.
Take time to talk and listen. It’s good for both of us.
“It’s not what you say that matters; it’s how you make the other person feel.”“
George Rook’s blog titled Do people still talk to you?